


Nothing Was The Same

by pr0blematic



Series: Tommy Angst [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brother Feels, Caring Wilbur Soot, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Feels, Gen, Good Bro Wilbur Soot, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Minecraft, Minecraft IRL, No Romance, Older Sibling Wilbur Soot, Post-Election, Real Life, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Wilbur Soot, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Self-blaming, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, real minecraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27127988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pr0blematic/pseuds/pr0blematic
Summary: /"Wilbur, am I a bad person?"/ Tommy reflects on why everyone leaves.kind of aubefore Villain Wilbur, after the election
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit (past), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: Tommy Angst [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980241
Comments: 20
Kudos: 666





	Nothing Was The Same

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. no romantic relationships
> 
> 2\. sorry for dumping this on tommy
> 
> 3\. parts of this was inspired by: Wilbur's "am I a villain" speech, the song "Nothing Was The Same" by Hotel Books, the scene in Good Will Hunting when Robin Williams keeps saying "it's not your fault," and that scene where the guy yells "I am not angry, I am in pain!"

“Wilbur, am I a bad person?” Tommy asked. He was hunched over a smoker despite nothing cooking. It was dim in Pogtopia. The only light coming from sparse lanterns throughout the ravine.

Wilbur paused from crafting another pick axe to look at the younger. “No, Tommy. I think—you’re fighting for what you believe in, that’s not bad.”

Tommy didn’t verbally respond. All he could do was think about everyone who had been on their side—his side, and left him. There was a pattern. When it was Tommy’s team, when it was Tommy, people left.

_Why?_

“Why, Wilbur?” Tommy whispered.

“Tommy?” Wilbur questioned lightly. The younger seemed to be more affected that he had been letting on. Sure, Tommy had been unusually quiet these past few days, and certainly not laughing or joking, but surely, he didn’t think it was his fault?

“They left because of me, Wilbur.” Tommy confessed, still unable to draw his attention away from the smoker. “It’s my fault—I was—if I hadn’t—”

“No, Tommy. It’s _not_ your fault. You can’t think like that, man. They left because…because it’s easier. Not because of you or me.”

Tommy shook his head and pursed his lips. “It is my fault, Wil. I wanted to feel important,” he sneered at the word, “so I created this whole war with _Dream_. I dragged Tubbo into it. And Fundy and—Eret.”

Wilbur gave a quiet wince. “That, it wasn’t your fault, Tommy. Eret _chose_ to defect, he—”

“All for some stupid _disks?”_ Tommy continued.

Wilbur smiled slightly, “To be fair, those disks were pretty cool.”

Tommy closed his eyes, “They were stupid disks Wilbur. We waged war on Dream for two stupid disks, and when we got our own nation, we held an election. _And lost_. What does that tell you, Wil? If Tubbo,” his voice cracked over the word, “If Tubbo had been your VP, you would’ve won that.”

Wilbur turned away from the crafting table entirely to better face Tommy, “But, Tommy. Tubbo didn’t want to be in the government—”

“Then why is he with Schlatt?”

That got Wilbur to shut up. _Why was Tubbo with Schlatt_?

To Tommy the answer was clear. He had driven everyone away. With his jokes, his laugh, his beliefs, his personality. His entire existence had annoyed people so much that they couldn’t stand to be near him any longer than necessary.

“Tommy, Tubbo is a big boy. He can think for himself.”

Tommy’s heart clenched. _Did I make him think he couldn’t?_

Tommy had been so forceful and _mean_ towards Tubbo. Had Tubbo felt so voiceless that he defected? Had Tommy been so harsh that Tubbo felt unheard and invisible? Off the top of his head, Tommy could think of no less that ten instances in which he wouldn’t let Tubbo speak. Twenty instances of being unnecessarily cruel towards Tubbo. Calling him stupid or pushing him around.

“I—” Tommy had to swallow to get his voice working properly. “I never thought, I mean with Eret I was surprised but,” he trailed off.

Wilbur understood what was left unsaid. _He never thought Tubbo would leave_.

“Wil, I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

In a rush of understanding, Wilbur was his with the realisation that Tommy was _sixteen_. He was just a kid. A kid who’s only precious thing in this world were his music disks and then they’d been taken from him. And _like a kid_ , he declared war on the most powerful man in their realm.

Like a kid, he made his own safe haven and brought Wilbur in to defend it. Like a kid, he couldn’t understand why people would leave. _Why Tubbo would leave_.

Wilbur found himself staring at Tommy’s hunched back. _Has he always been so small?_ Tommy was one of the tallest kids he’d ever seen, and yet he was still shorter than Wilbur and Dream and Techno. _And Schlatt_.

Tommy was thin on the best of days, but now? After so little meat and exercise? Tommy’s shirt was loose on his arms and bunched at his stomach. His belt had two new notches in it, and Wilbur only knew that because he’d seen Tommy make them, it never comprehended what that would mean until now.

“Tommy, he’ll come around.” Wil offered weakly. All they could do was wait until Tubbo either came back to them or declared his loyalty to Manburg.

Tommy closed his eyes and put his head in his hands. “What if I want him to stay away?”

Wilbur inched forward towards Tommy. “That’s okay. It’s okay to be angry, Tommy—”

Tommy stood up and spun around in a flash that made Wilbur stumble back at the quickness of it. “I am not _angry_ , I am _hurting_! Everyone leaves, Wilbur! Everyone!”

Wilbur shook his head faintly, “No—”

Tommy laughed bitterly, “Where are they, Wilbur!?” Tommy stalked towards Wilbur, not registering that the older man was rearing back defensively. “Look around, Wil! There’s no one here!”

Tommy spun in a circle with his arms stretched out. He had a vindictive grin on his face when he faced Wilbur again.

“Tommy,” Wilbur started.

Tommy stepped forward and light pressed his hand against Wilbur’s chest, “And that’s fine, because I would do the same and I would leave me!”

Tommy’s eyes were shiny when Wilbur looked into them, startled at the passion Tommy spoke with. Tommy’s voice was cracking every other word and his cheeks were flushed red.

“Tommy, please, stop,” Wilbur whispered.

Tommy scoffed, “You should leave me too. You’d be better off.”

Wilbur shoved Tommy’s chest with a glare, “Shut up! That’s not true! _I_ started the war Tommy! _I_ declared war on Dream. _I_ led our army.”

“But they don’t leave you, Wil!” Tommy shouted. “They love you, and I get it! You’re a great fuckin’ guy, but, Wil, I’m not.” Tommy gestured to himself by placing his hand flat over his chest and tilting his head up towards Wilbur with wide eyes, urging Wil to understand that everything was Tommy’s fault. “Wilbur, I mess everything up, me!”

“Tommy, shut—up.” Wilbur growled.

“No, Wil! You need to understand that you’re better off—”

“Shut up!”

“Just move on Wil! Wilbur—”

“I said, _shut up_ , Tommy Innit!”

“Wilbur, you can still save yourself! Schlatt, he’ll take you back without me, he’ll—”

“ENOUGH!” Wilbur yelled, slamming his hands back on the crafting table, sending his sticks and stone blocks clattering to the ground.

Tommy stepped back with his mouth snapped closed. His head darted to the side and his bottom lip trembled.

Wilbur rubbed both his hands over his face and held them there for a few seconds. “Enough.” He repeated quieter.

The two stood in silence until Wil looked at Tommy with tired eyes. “I’m sorry,” he took a deep breath, “for yelling.”

Tommy didn’t look at Wilbur, though his shoulders began to shake.

“Tommy? Tommy, I’m sorry, please look at me.”

Tommy clenched his jaw and shook his head, bowing it further down. He didn’t need to see Wilbur’s disappointment. Tommy brought out the worst in people.

“Tommy, I need you to understand something.” Wilbur pleaded. “This isn’t your fault. Not the war, not the election, and not—not Tubbo.”

Tommy shook his head again and Wilbur took a hesitant step towards him. “It’s not your fault Tommy.”

“Stop saying that.” Tommy rasped. His eyes darted around frantically for an escape route but all he could focus on was Wilbur’s feet carrying the older man closer to him.

“Tommy, it isn’t your fault.”

“Stop _lying_ , Wil.”

Wilbur put his hand’s on Tommy’s shoulders and squeezed them gently. “I’m not lying, Tommy. This isn’t your fault.”

Tommy startled himself by letting out a sob. He slapped a hand to his mouth as if that would erase what they’d heard. Wilbur yanked Tommy forward and held him tightly.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Tommy had his arms around Wilbur’s sides and back. One of Tommy’s hands held tightly onto Wilbur’s shirt and the other one went around Wilbur’s shoulders to press Tommy’s fingers against his eyes in an effort to stop crying.

“It’s n-not okay Wi-l,” Tommy heaved.

“It will be,” Wilbur promised, rubbing Tommy’s back.


End file.
